When Ken Clearwater was admitted to a psychiatric emergency ward after threatening to kill a man over a game of pool, he knew he needed help to deal with a secret he'd been carrying for decades.

He had been raped as a child.

Clearwater, 38 years old at the time of the outburst, had spiralled into a deep depression fuelled by drugs, alcohol, gangs and a whole lot of violence.

"Drugs and alcohol is a survival mechanism, it helps to numb the brain so we don't have to deal with stuff going round and round in our heads," he says.

"As males, we're supposed to be staunch and tough. We're not allowed to talk about things, share our feelings or else it's seen as weak."

Read the full article on the NZ Herald here >>